As I’m standing over the stove.
As I’m pedaling away on the spin bike.
As I’m scribbling furiously in a notebook.
As I’m reading a book.
As I’m laughing with my friends.
As I’m spending time with my boyfriend.
As I’m catching up with my family via Skype.
I catch myself thinking, over and over without fail: I love doing this so, why can’t I ever seem to make more time for it??
It’s the eternal conundrum we’re all plagued with, right? If only, if only, there were more hours in the day. I can’t say I’ve ever felt like there were ever enough hours in the day, but lately I’ve really been feeling like it’s reached breaking point. There are so, so many things I want to do and yet it seems like I’m always scrambling for more time.
I was looking at my bullet journal the other day and I realized that sometime within the last year or so, I switched from action-packed weekends to action-packed weeks. Weekends, rather than weeknights, have now become my sacred time to focus on just one or two things, like doing back-to-back classes at the gym or cooking time-intensive meals (like baking bread, which always requires at least several hours). Weeknights are when I try to cram everything in: happy hours with friends, visits to the gym, Skype calls home, cooking meals for dinners and lunches. (I am not on the meal planning bandwagon, and as much as I’d like to be, it’s not as feasible as it should be for my life right now. Boo.) And those are on good nights when I don’t have to stay late at the office, or take my work home with me when I leave.
Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling so stretched as of late. Having five busy days and two calmer ones can certainly seem more stressful than the other way around, although I don’t know if I’d ever call a day at my job “calm” thanks to the nature of my work! Certainly there’s likely to be aspects of my life I can streamline to make better use of my time (like the two hours I spent wrestling with my very short foray into poetry before scrapping the idea of publishing my poem and sitting down to write this post instead, oops).
My draft blog post for tomorrow somehow turned into a poem and I can't figure out where the change happened because I am definitely no poet.
— Amanda Osborn (@musicalpoem) July 30, 2017
But also, I may just need to make peace with the fact that there are always going to be more things that I want to do than I have the time for. I keep coming back to this dilemma and coming up with no solutions, so I very much feel like I am going to need to just accept this and move on. Sigh.